I'm a lost world now,
I don't even know where I stand anymore,
I don't even understand this feeling of disappointment in myself.

Things are just fucked up,
and I don't even know what's the stuff that's fucked up.
And I don't even know why I'm crying;
I'm just angry, sad, and disappointed.

I can't take any of in any more.
and I'm falling apart,
I can't put up that happy front again and smile
and say yes everything is alright.

Laugh as though nothing bothers me;
the world is just a joke to me...
Everything was a sick joke played on me.

and I'm just tired of everything.
I just need to run away.
away from all this things pulling me down;
sucking the soul out of me as the days pass by.

I swear I'm going crazy,
one moment I'm laughing and the next I'm crying my eyes out.

Who am I?
Where's the Sabiruna I knew?
I don't even understand or know myself any longer...

C.H.A.N.G.E

1) Hit the tracks and gym again.
2) Dye hair Black.
3) Thin hair.
4) RED lipstick!
5) EYELINER!
6) MASCARA!

YEAH MFs!!!!!

I can say it,
countless of times,
FOR I LOVE YOU.
YES I DO!

I love looking at you smile whilst you sleep:)
and your stoink-ed face as you wake up in the morning.

I just love you la.
Ok!
haha:)

Favourite Surah.

So when the servant says: ‘Al-Hamdulillaahi Rabb-il-‘Alameen’ , Allaah says: ‘My servant has praised Me.’

And when he says: ‘Ar-Rahmaan-ir-Raheem’ , Allaah says: ‘My servant has extolled Me.’

And when he says: ‘Maaliki-yawm-id-Deen’ , Allaah says: ‘My servant has honored Me.’

And when he says: ‘Iyyaaka Na’bdu wa Iyyaaka Nasta’een’ , Allaah says: ‘This is between Me and My servant and My servant will have what he asks for.’

And when he says: ‘Ihdinaas-Siraat-al-Mustaqeem. Siraat-aladheena an’amta ‘alaihim. Ghairil-Maghdoobi ‘alaihim wa lad-Daalleen’ , Allaah says: ‘This is for My servant and for My servant will be what he asks for.’ " [Reported by Muslim]

Say it again:)

The thing about love,
is I never saw it coming.
It kinda crept up and took me by surprise.

Move in a little closer,
take it to a whisper:)

Say it again,
say it again.

Thing about you,
is that you know just how to get me.
The thing about me,
is that I really want to let you,
open that door and walk into my life :)

And it feels like it's the first time,
that anybody's ever brought the sun without rain.
And never in my whole life,
have I heard words as beautiful as when you say my name:)

I love it when you say my name:)
Cause I love it when people close to me call me sabiruna.
Not everyone calls me sabiruna:)

Nothing.

1) shuffle your music to shuffle mode
2) press next for each ques, and right down the song title
3) no matter how lame the ans is, just write it down.HEE!

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Choo Choo - Artic Monkeys

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
The Climb- Miley Cyrus (I dont like Miley but the lyrics in the song is awesome!)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
That's just What I Like- Paradiso Girls Ft. Will.I.Am

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
I am Stretched on Your Grave- Sinnead O Connor

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Smile- Lily Allen

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Dance,Dance- Fall Out Boy

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
The Blower's Daughter- Damien Rice

WHAT IS 2+2?
Poker Face- Lady Gaga (mamamamama) LOL.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Save You- Simple Plan

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
If You were My Girl- Kevin Lyttle (:D)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Dancin' In The Moonlight- Toploader

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Some Kinda Rush- Booty Luv

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Stand By Me- John Lennon (come die with me) LOL!

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Dilemma- Nelly Ft. Kelly Rowland

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Lovebug- Jonas Brothers (only song I love from them)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Lemon Tree- Fool's Garden

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Making Love Out of Nothing At All- Air Supply (wah power sia I can make love VIRTUALLY!!!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
We Got The Beat- The Go-Gos

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Teardrops on My Guitar- Taylor Swift
(suckiest feeling is loving someone and having to see them love someone else): )

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Forever- Chris Brown
( used to be my message ringtone for "him" )

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Shoulda Let You Go- Keyshia Cole
( SO TRUE!)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Already Gone- Kelly Clarkson
):

HAIZ.
time to start another long day; I can't wait to spend some quality time with baby and also gfs.
Now I get a taste of the working life and I can't believe I'm gonna face this for the next 4 decades in my life. I shall say I'm all in for an early retirement.

"I'm a train-wreck in the morning, I'm a bitch in the afternoon, every now and then without warning I can be really mean toward you, I'm a puzzle yes indeed ever complex in every way and all the pieces aren't even in the box, yet you see the picture clear as day; I don't know why you love me and that's why I love you; catch me when I fall; Accept me flaws and all"

"I neglect you when I'm working, when I need attention I tend to nag. I'M A HOST OF IMPERFECTION AND YOU SEE PASS ALL THAT."

" You see potential in all my flaws and that's exactly what I mean"

~ and that's why I love you.

You found out that you were going to be a parent, what would you do?
- How could I be a parent without even going through the process to be one??

Do you currently have a crush on someone? Or any feelings at all?
- Nah.

What would you do if you walked in on your best friend having sex?
- WAH!!! *stares and decides should I watch or leave* then walk away.

Could you forgive your best friend for sleeping with your bf/gf?
- I doubt they'd do such a thing; they're my best friend for a good amount of reasons.

What do you miss most about the past?
- Fighting with reen and siha in class.

Did you kiss anyone this summer?
- does in S'pores' humid weather count?

Are you listening to music right now?
- No.

Is any part of you sad at all?
- yeah. idk why.

Do you miss someone right now?
- YES.

Have you ever kissed the last person you texted?
- (:

Which friend of yours is most similar to you?
- (:

What would be the first thing you would do with 100,000 dollars?
- IDK. sit and organise the money.

Can you commit to one person?
- (:

Are you a mean person?
- If it calls for me to be one.

How bad are heartbreaks?
- Ouh they're nothing; no harm.

Has a guy ever let you wear his jacket?
- uhuh.

Connection between you and the last person who text messaged you?
- my bf la; why? LOL! *ok im sleepy*

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
- nothing to complain about.

Is your room ever clean?
- has to be clean!

Do you like being around a large group of friends, or a best friend?
- Anything is ok go to me; but sometimes i like a one-to-one quality time.

Is there a night you would like to put on repeat, and live it forever?
- Hell yeah!!!!!!!!

Have you ever asked a boy for advice?
- lots of times.

Are you ticklish?
- unfortunately very.

How often do you listen to music?
- when i feel like it.

Do you trust all your friends?
- only a foolish man would trust all and end up getting hurt in the end.

When you say you don't care, do you mean it?
- I never do mean it; cause truth be told I care too much; that I don't care is just non-existent in my life.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
- maybe.

Did you say "f--k" today?
- amazingly its a no for today.

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails ?
- lips and nails.

Look to the left. What catches your eye first?
- Candle flame.

What was the last thing you ordered at Mcdonalds?
- Double cheeseburger.

Are you thinking about someone right now?
- yeah.

Can a boy and girl be friends without having feelings for each other?
- yeah man!

Are any of your close friends virgins?
- Yes.

What are your plans for tomorrow?
- Shooting.

How much money's in your bank account?
- KOSONG!

Can you honestly say that things are running smoothly for you?
- yes and no.

This is for keeps.

To my one love;

Dear love,
how have things been for you over there?
I'd figured that you're a very busy man,
and I wouldn't want to disturb you in anyway.

Love, somehow I sense that something has been bothering you,
though you try to shun it away from me I do know,
and no I'm not mad or angry in anyway.
I respect your decisions,
yet just know that you do have me here,
right here and I'm here to listen.

Do remember to have your meals;
don't skip them else Mr. Bad ass Gastric will make his attack again.
Ouh!
And whatever it is,
start your day with a smile and end it off with a smile too;
despite the fact that a day might have been crappy;
we'll just hope for better tomorrows (:

Don't think too much;
though I think this would apply to me much more.

and last but not the least,

I love you today, tomorrow and always (:

take care now.

p.s. I'm experimenting with photoshop now; I'm tryna do something. It's a surprise!

ephemeral euphoria

for one's heart shant never be mine,
for ones' heart yearns for another;
spare me one's words..

for one; eyes tell me enough;
as each passing moment;
I see her shadows in ones' eyes;
her touch upon ones' skin;
her name engraved in ones' heart.

but it'll all soon be okay;
maybe somehow someway;
may my love be the cure-
may my love be strong.

Words shan't poison my soul.
for they're just mere words;
nothings meant to last forever;
and in time I've lacked to see it all.

Foolishness hasn't spared me this time round;
yet if denial is what I have
then in denial I shall live.

For I know the truth which resides in one's heart;
that truth that makes it ache;

but I'll stay strong;
though I'm weak.

I'll stay strong.

remember what I'd said before;
we'll let our broken-hearts sing the same tune;
yet do know my love for you is pure.

Life as it is.

Those tiny fingers and toes,
that little breath of air;
those tiny eyes blind;
so tiny;
new and fresh;
innocent;

the taunts;
bullying;
childish games and glares;
giggles and baby fats;
ignorance;
a mind too matured for that moment in life;

stained;
naive;
impatient;
blush and embarrassment;
beauty along with a curse;
used;
fondled;
played;

denial;
truth and lies;
aches;
red;
smiles;
heat;

lust;
denial;
ignorance.

truth;
faith;
peace;
desire;

momentary;
forever;

life's a temporary high;
love sets out to give me a permanent high.
love's the drug;
neither the pill nor nicotine;

they say while it lasts;
then let my selfish self in denial
tell my foolish soul;
this is forever.

another episode of it all?
take my hand in this journey;
and you'll see why I spend my nights
awake;

dreams turn to nightmares;
and not a teardrop spared;
for I care too much for this wretched world;
I love it too much then I should;

but I can't help it;
like an oceans' current;
never ending are my worries and fears.

for I care too much for this world;
for I love too much for this world;

it's me;
just the way I am.

just the way I am.

a Hedonist.

your pain my pain.
your pleasure my pleasure.
your sadness my sadness.

I feel things I shouldn't feel;
see things I shouldn't see.

that's just me.

the pursuit of pleasure in all ways and forms.
I strive for it;
like a madman in love with a dead corpse.

ok I need a dosage of nicotine for this madness.
pardon this post.

alone

It's a world where every man is for himself.

Lovely.

I'd like to dedicate this post to a group of special people;
Bros and Sis' ; and Friends;
whom I've not been meeting up for after such a long time.
I MISS YOU PEOPLE!!!

I know; it may seem as though I've forgotten everyone;
but please do know that I do think about every single one of you every single day.
It may seem as though you've lost my care and concern;
however; I do keep you in my prayers;
hoping that all of you will have a good day ahead.

I may be in the wrong at times;
How much time would one take to send a message to ask another how he or she is doing?
however I am just like any other ordinary human;
and I too have my flaws.

I may not verbally or physically show my care and concern;
and there's so many to love;
therefore I decided that it'd be best to keep all of you in mind and heart.
Where all is fair and just;
for I dare not love anyone more or less.

If ever for once; you'd thought or think that you're forgotten;
please forgive me;
and do know that you are not forgotten.

If time abides;
we'll meet soon after.

just know that you aren't forgotten;
for I know how it feels;
to be left alone despite the fact of having everyone around you
and yet you feel alone.

But truth is we never were alone;
someone had and have always been there.

With Love,
Sabiruna.

Dandy December

So far things have been A.W.E.S.O.M.E :D

4th December 2009
Went out with Mr. Faiz :)
headed down to beach road and thereafter Arab Street to meet Mayhem,
and I do have to admit,
it was nice seeing almost everyone once again:)

pictures courtesy of ziza:)




6th December 2009
Papa called home in the morning;
SSC's Giant had this crazy sale, 1 frozen Sadia Chicken for $1
and 1 packet of Dory fish fillets for $1 too.
Each person was only entitled to 2 packets each,
so headed down with Miss Gendut, Miss Kudut and Mr Cakap Besar to SSC,
and we got 10 packets of each!

Papa then belanja-ed us roti prata for breakfast;
whilst on the way home;
I suggested that we'd head to the swimming pool today;
papa grinned widely.

AND WE DID!
It was great fun:)
Though the two little ones are such panicky lil children;
at least Miss Gendut has learnt how to relax and float:)

and papa swims so beautifully;
he swims pretty gracefully for a man his teddy- bearish size:)

What a way to end my weekends;
just one word:)
LOVELY.
(in a failed attempted british accent)

It's just like that.

Random Facts of the day!

1. I rarely like typing my name out as Sabiruna, I'd rather type it out as sabiruna.
2. I hate and love using CAPS it's a love-hate thing.
3. I've got a fetish for ears and necks and arms.
4. I like cats with that "v" shape on their backs.
5. I dance in my room alone when I'm bored.
6. If I could I would love to try to jump off and climb everything around me.
7. I think I've got a bad fashion sense though I can't really be bothered with; I love the way I dress.
8. EVEN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL PROMOTES SEX -.-"
9. Whatever happened to those innocent movies children should watch??
10. I'M SO BORED!
11. I'M SO FAT!
12. DAMN I'M SHALLOW.
13. HAHA! I'm CRAZY. VERY CRAZY!
14. I NEED HELP. SANITY!!!!!

One chance,
to prove me wrong;
one chance already gone.
All is same.

Nothing changes...
Tired of it all.
sick of it all.

Why is it all being so difficult?
Why is it all being so hard to believe.

Of what is left for me to hold on to,
when it never did exist.

I wanna cruise with flowers in my hair!

Outsider wedding's escort was a blast(:
It was just nice to see a whole stretch of bikes on the road;
it was awesome.

and indeed it is a small world;

and can I say that Mayhem is simply awesome(;

Qouted by Shahrul: Mayhem! Nombor hanya angkah; Jiwa mesti ada!

haha:)

With Love.

I've been trying to find the right words to say;
and write.
Yet somehow I know;
nothing I say nor do will ever sum up to the things I wished
I could sometimes say or do.

It'd take me an eternity to tell you how I feel;
for it'd be equivalent to infinity.

You amaze me;
confuse me.

It's hard for me to say I love you;
It used to be so easy.

However,
finally now,
I realized why it'd been so hard for me to tell you;
it's the fact that "I love you" seems so sacred now.
It isn't something.
It isn't just anything.

I don't wanna say it too many a time;
I don't want it to ever lose it's magic;
it's meaning.

Uncertainties lie ahead;
ironic isn't it:)
adaptations and ever-changing directions;
love fuels life;
sometimes love kills.

I'm speechless;
(:

p.s. I miss janguty! and your thick hair :) haha well at least both of them will grow back eventually. Anyhow; I still like you just they way you are =)

<3

Just kill me,
and end it all off,
give me a quick and sudden death,
I don't wanna live no more.

I'm frustrated with myself,
utterly dissapointed- beyond words;
all talk no action;
that's me.

AND im sick of myself!

Serve with pride and dedication.

I was going through my stuff in the wee hours of the night;
when I came across this plastic bag;
Curious I opened it up;

In it I found the cadets appraisals from 4th ADC.
I sat silent reading it;
Memories slowly coming back;
and I smiled.

It'd finally hit me;
after all these years;
the only reason I'd stayed on was for the fact that;
I could have the opportunity to share even the littlest amount
of my knowledge with the cadets.

It was never about the rank nor status for me;
It had always been about the cadets.

And I swear I do miss those times dearly;
and I do hope that with this little amount of time;
I'd be able to go back to help in camps again.

I was looking for the SSC appraisals and I guess I did leave it in my locker;
with my no.3 in HQ.
I will be back.

Nothing is much more satisfying then that feeling when it
comes to the end of the day;
you know you've tried your very best to teach;
and learn at the same time.

and that is what it had and has always been for me.

I will always be white bar Cadet Officer Sabiruna;
and I'm proud of it;
for I know that it's when I'm the closest link to the cadets;
and that's when I'm the happiest(:

November Smiles.

Before November;
30th October 2009
We the awesome class of T1A1 and T1A2 FSV students;
dressed up for Halloween to school:D

It was way too cool!

061109
went out with gfs(;
like finally!!!!
wee!


The dare;
a poisonous concoction
of cinnamon powder; whipped cream; caramel; chocolate powder;
Sugar; milk; water; creamer and vanilla powder!
muahaha!


By the end of the day a group picture:D

071109
Mayhem's 1st Anniversary(:
met faizee!!!!
played with tum tum(;

and finally washed raphael:D

He was apek for the day;
and I was nyonya;
imagine 2 bags of packet mee on a bike;
hahahaha!

really funny.
The BBQ was great fun(:
and it was superbly nice nice nice:D

<3